by John Babos



The Lighter Side of Owning a Ferrari

What Are You?  


Itís no secret where I work that I drive Ferraris, so when a new ďcar personality testĒ appeared on the internet, a group of my coworkers flocked to my office to administer the test.  The test tries to determine if you are ďan Italian exotic or an American muscle car? A classic roadster or a high tech racer?  The test will show you your true inner vehicle.Ē 

            ďYeah right,Ē I thought, but okay Iíll give it a shot. So as my coworkers, some supporters and some not, gathered around, I opened the site and began taking the test.


Question #1Are you passionate? This one was easy, I said YES.


Question #2:  Do you change direction quickly?  I had to think about this one.  Sometimes I do and sometimes I donít.  And what does it mean by quickly? Itís never good to change before its time so I said NO.


Question #3:  Are you powerful?  I think of NFL linebackers and WWF wrestlers as being powerful.  I also think the President of the U.S. along with other federal officials is powerful.  So, since I donít play pro ball or wrestle, and I am not in a high political office I said NO.


Question #4:   Are you loud?  Most of the clothes I wear are very conservative with subtle colors.  NO, I am not loud.


Question #5:   Are you high maintenance?  Since I moved out of the house and into the garage, Crystal drops off food at the door and leaves.  I figure that pretty easy so I said NO.


Question #6:   Do you spin easily out of control?  I lose control frequently, my bladder isnít as good as it used to be, but I never spin so I said NO.


Question #7:   Do you like to go topless in the summer?  If that means what I think it does the answer is a strong and resounding NO.  All Crystal does is whine about her hair getting messed up, forcing me to stop and put the top back on.


Question #8:   Are you competitive? Heck NO, thereís nothing left for me to win at.


Question #9:   Are you practical?  I drive Ferraris which are very reliable and the planes I fly all have great safety records not to mention being fuel efficient. So I believe Iím very practical, YES.


Question #10:   Do you have expensive taste?  My Corvette and Ferraris are rather old by most standards, and it doesnít bother me that Iím not driving a newer model.  Also, for those of you that attend the Champagne tastings with me, you know that Iím just as happy with a non-vintage Krug as with a vintage Krug.  None of my swiss timepieces have tourbillon movements so NO, I donít have expensive tastes.


Question #11:   Are you happy in the rain?   Crystal has locked me out in all kinds of weather and frankly Iíve gotten used to about everything.  And since Iím not unhappy about being in the rain I said YES.


Question #12:   Which tool would you be more comfortable wielding, a sledgehammer or a scalpel?  I took metal shop in junior high but I never learned how to wield, hot torches scare me.  I canít imagine why anyone would want to fix a sledgehammer or scalpel by wielding it, but if I had to I guess sledgehammers are easier to wield.


            Now the moment of truth; I submitted the test and anxiously awaited the results.  As the seconds ticked away absolute silence resonated through out the office.  ďSurely I would be a Ferrari,Ē I thought.  Then it happened, a nightmare of all nightmares.  The test said my true nature was that of a ďMazda Miata.Ē  It continued by saying ďEveryone thinks you're cute.  Life is a winding road, and you like to take the curves in stride.  Let other people compete in the rat race - you're just here to enjoy the ride.Ē  How embarrassing for me.  My supporters backed out of the office leaving me with my non-supporters who made ringie dingie noises like Miatas.  They reminded me that the Miata was the number one car of choice for high school girls. And that it wasnít too late to trade a Ferrari in on a Miata since my true self was undoubtedly in turmoil.  Until this runs it course I have to slink in and out of the office to avoid the teasing.


            Iíve attached the link for the test should you decide to try it.  My only warning is to be careful who sees your results.  By the way to add insult to injury, Crystal took the test and is a Mercedes.